|
[04 Jun 2006|10:57pm] |
|
What kind of world do I live in where my mother cusses me out because I'm crying about my manager yelling at me? What is this? I give up. I'm gonna give up on helping people get their fucking bonuses. He says that I run off insiders, well guess what, he just ran me off. I'm done with being told that I need to yell at people for doing stuff wrong and then being bitched at when people quit. I just can't take my life anymore. The people in it upset me and betray me, my job sucks, and I hate my family life. Well I g2g. Mom's yelling again. Night!
|
|
| say wha? |
[01 Jun 2006|11:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
So it's been a long time since I've posted on this silly thing, but I think that there are a few things that I need to get off of my chest/just talk about. Anyway, graduation is 6 days away and sadly, I don't really feel all that excited or sad or anything. I know that once I graduate, I'm just going to be moving on to another school with new jackasses to deal with. Shouldn't I feel a little bit sad that I'm leaving CHS behind after 4 years? Or even that I might never see any of my friends again? For some reason, none of this really hurts me. Yeah, that sounds bad, but I know that the people that matter will try to keep in contact with me, but if they don't ::shrugs:: it doesn't really matter. So, back to graduation. I don't know what you're supposed to wear under the gown thing-a-midgy-bobbers, and all I got from several friends was that they were going naked under their gown because it's dark blue and you can't tell anyway. So, I guess a dress or something? Must go shopping and find out.
Another fun topic that I need to get out is that I'm going absolutely crazy over this stupid family graduation party. I really really really wanna invite Matt's whole family, but I dont think mom'll go for that. I mean it's 5 kids, 6 of matt's siblings, their significant others, and his mom/dad. That's more than my whole family PLUS my extended family that will be there. ::Sigh:: What to do. I care a lot about Matt's family and I even love some of them, so I really want them there and DON'T want them to feel like their excluded or that they don't mean anything to me. I hate growing up.
So, got all of the UMBC medical stuff all finished up so that I can turn it in and live in a nice cozy (and by cozy I mean tiny) dorm with some girls that I don't know next year. I kinda hope that Bailey is at least in the same building as I am so that I don't feel totally alone. Man, I can't wait to get out of my house, but I don't want to be far away from my baby sister and my brother. (and Matt....a little....j/k) It's going to be difficult adapting to a new situation were suddenly there are no rules, nobody to tell me what I can and can't do, but that also means that no one's expecting me home and that no one would notice if I went missing for a little while. Man, I'm just too scared of everything.
On the job front, I hate it. I hate my job with a burning passion. I don't want to be a manager, I'm just tired of being at the same stupid job for a year and 1/2 and still only making minimum wage. So, be a manager. People make you angry, you yell at them. They don't do their job, you yell some more. And if they give you dirty looks and STILL won't do their job, yell at them just a tad more so that your blood pressure rises and you decrease your own lifespan by another day. Sounds terrific, right? No. I want to go be a waitress at some restaurant close to UMBC so I'll have a job while I'm at school, plus I'm TIRED OF YELLING AT PEOPLE. I just don't know what to do. I've dropped like 5000000000 hints to the managers that I don't want to be a stupid shift leader anymore. I'm tired of working my life away and crying because I work 40+ hours a week and never get to do the things that make me truly happy, like seeing Matt or hanging out with my family or boat rides or movies or anything! I wasting my youth by being a stupid glutton for punishment and working my butt off. And I feel horrible because before I started working mad crazy hours, I had a life that I loved. I was nice (I know that's hard to believe) and I was a lot of fun to be around. Now I feel like I spend all of my time really tired and upset about a lot of stuff because I'm not living my life to it's fullest capacity. I miss Matt. I only see him for maybe an hour a day, if that. I know that seems like a lot already, but when we're together, I'm folding laundry or working on hw or emptying the dishwasher. All I want to do is just curl up on the couch with him and watch Mission Impossible. Is that too much to ask? ::Sigh:: Of course this is all my fault. If I wasn't a workaholic, then the managers wouldn't expect very much from me and maybe they would schedule me less hours, but of course if they schedule me less hours, then I feel like I'm slacking and I hate being a slacker.
Anyway, on that Matt and I thing, I love him soooo much. I don't think I've been this happy in a long time. He just makes me feel like I'm the most wonderful thing in the entire world. I love so many of the loving things Matt does for me, like touching my back or arm when I'm getting upset at work because he knows that his presence calms me, or when he walks up behind me and puts his arms around me, hugging me close. I love you Matt and thank you for being so wonderful. (Even though (at times) you can be a butthead :-P )
Oh! Matt says this comic is us (:-P).
http://www.elgoonishshive.com/d/20060529.html and if you click next, that's us too. Lol....not that you care, but just so I can look back later.
|
|
|
[26 Apr 2006|02:16pm] |
|
I can't wait to go to college because that means I can leave all of this shit behind.
|
|
|
[20 Mar 2006|04:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
I can't wait to go to college and get away from all of this he-said-she-said drama and these pitiful relationships all high school kids have. Next year I'll be at UMBC and except for a select, and I'm talking like 3 or 4, people will still be involved in my life. It's a chance to start over, have fun, and party!! Oh and I'm thinking about going out for the women's rugby team. Allie playing football-soccer...wow....scary thought. Anyway, next year is going to be kick arse! Not to mention all of the Towson parties and Men's Rugby games, right Krysta? haha. College is going to be so GREAT! Sigh, time to grow up and face the real world...gee golly that's scary. :-)
K: i looked at the rugby website
K: and there arent that many hot ugys
A: me too
K: guys*
A: teheh
K: georgetown had SOME FINEEEE GUYs
A: yeah I noticed :-D I can't WAIT! 'til college
|
|
|
[09 Mar 2006|06:36pm] |
"Erica Beatty" [6:35 P.M.]: lol. later. and bring Zach. Hog tie him and drag him there. lol
Erica likes my brother!
|
|
|
[17 Jan 2006|10:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
frightened, upset, worried |
] |
Well, I think that I've decided that I want to spend the rest of my life alone...not get married, not have kids....just nothing... No, Matt and I aren't fighting, in fact, things are perfect between us. I don't think I've ever been more happy in my life. So, I guess an explanation is in order. I just found out that my grandfather is getting worse, may never be able to eat on his own, and will probably pass away in the next few years, which leaves my grandmother on her own to cope with his death and try to live out the rest of his life... I don't want that. I don't want my husband to die before me and leave me all alone here. Just like I don't want to die and leave him here alone. I love Matt so very much, but I don't want to go through all the pain that we're going to go through 60 or so years down the road... God, I know I'm young to be worrying about it, but in less than 6 months I'll be able to legally get married, I'll be an "adult," and I'm not saying that we're going to elope or anything like that, but maybe I won't be able to stop myself from one day marrying him...from one day ruining everything by guaranteeing the both of us a future that will eventually lead to so much pain...
I love you, Matty.
|
|
|
[26 Sep 2005|05:54pm] |
Your Band Name is:
|
The Pieces of Bunnies
|
Your Band Name is:
|
The Bionic Circus
|
Your Band Name is:
|
The Playdough Sadists
|
|
|
|
[08 Aug 2005|11:33am] |
| cuddlydeath13's LJ stalker is i_cute_my_ankle! | | i_cute_my_ankle is stalking you because they have nothing better to do with their time. They are also slowly poisoning you! |
|
|
|
[03 Aug 2005|03:02pm] |
|
omg! I love helium balloons! They're a total high!
|
|
|
[26 Jun 2005|12:22am] |
Wow...I already miss matt and its only been like 8 hours since I last saw him. This week should be an interesting one because I'm working a lot at both of my jobs (hopefully) and squeezing in my friends here and there. I've got plans with Greg, Aaron, Kristin (hopefully), and Justin (hopefully). I really miss all of these people because they've all sorta fallen out of touch since I began dating Matt, but all of that is about to change. This week has been a real eye opener. I really love Matt with all of my heart and nothing's going to change that, but he's done a lot of things lately that really irk me...
Anyway I'm afraid that my birthday party may be cancelled because there is a large chance that I'll be working then. I hope not though.
There are so many thoughts running through my head, like I wanna call Matt, but at the same time I want him to enjoy his vacation. Well I'm tired and I have to go to the gym tomorrow. night
|
|
|
[25 Jun 2005|12:58pm] |
STATISTICS..
name: Alison Lauren Hahn
nicknames: Allie, Alliecat (sometimes just cat), Als,
birthday: July 13th 1988
how old do you look: 16 maybe
glasses/contacts: both, but lately glasses
braces: nope
eye color: blue-green
hair color: currently red
tattoos: nope
piercings: two in ears
siblings: 7 (1 full brother, 2 half sisters, 2 step brothers, and 1 step sister)
pets: 1 dog, amy
FAVORITES..
Band: wow…hard…probably unwritten law
food: um…pizza
movie: The Breakfast Club, Hook, Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, Constantine
color: black and red
actor/actress: umm…
sport/extreme sport: DODGEBALL!!! j/k…um..Tae Kwon Do
LAST..
movie watched: Mean Girls
show watched: CSI
song listened to: I miss you--Finch
song stuck in your head: She says—Unwritten Law
person talked to: Aaron online
wish: that I could erase my sophomore year
heartthrob: Matthew James Bunn
time you talked 2 your mom: 45 minutes ago
compact disk listened to: Phil Vassar
compact disk bought: Phil Vassar
FOR OR AGAINST
gay/lesbian relationships: for
online dating: against
suicide: against
using someone: totally against
DO YOU..
have a crush on someone: nope
think about suicide: occasionally
hate yourself: yup
wish you could live somewhere else: yep…just outta my parents house would be good
stand out: I try not to
write in cursive or print: A mix of both
skateboard: nope
snowboard: nope
surf: nope
want more piercings: yup
want more tattoos: one or two in select places might be nice
HAVE YOU..
ever cried over a girl: yeah
ever cried over a guy: yeah
ever cried at a chick flick: yup
ever lied to someone: yup
ever broke a compact disk: Yeah
WHAT..
shampoo do you use: it depends
toothpaste do you use: Colgate total whitening
shoes do you wear: I love my bright pink converses
do you want to be when you grow up: A Medical Examiner
makes you happy: …Normally Matt
makes you sad: Normally Matt and parents
NUMBER..
of times you had your heart broken: too many
of times you have been in love: well if being in love is how I feel now, then once because nothing compares to how I feel when I’m with Matt
of times you had your name in the newspaper: a few times in my youth
of things you regret: enough
of things you wear on your wrists: 1
of belts you have: 7
PERSON WHO LAST..
made you cry: myself
saw you cry: Matt
went to the movies with: Matt
slept in your bed: Me
sent you an email: Chris N.
yelled at you: Mom
THIS OR THAT..
apples or bananas: Bananas
red or blue: Red
walmart or target: Wal-mart
halloween or christmas: Halloween
mouse or rat: Mouse
lord of the rings or harry potter: oooo….toughie…both
care bears or tellytubbies: Care Bears
black or white: Black
HAVE YOU EVER..
said you loved someone and meant it: yup
gone out in public in your pajamas: Yes
planned your week based on the telly: nope
been on stage: Yup
been to new york: nope
been to hawaii: nope
california: nope
china: Nope
alaska: nope
england: nope
india: nope
canada: nope
mexico: yup
brazil: nope
wished you were older: yup
FRIENDSHIP/LOVE..
believe in love at first sight: sorta…
want children: yup…12 boys and one girl
most important thing in a relationship: trust, respect, honestly
FINISH THE SENTENCE:
i miss: Matt
i wish: I could see him now
i am: alone
my style is: my own
people describe me as: crazy
i am tired of: being so upset
i want to be: in MJB’s arms
i will always be: myself
PLEASE FILL THIS OUT FOR ME
What Would You Do If..
1. I died from natural causes:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. I started smoking:
5. I stole something:
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I ran away from home:
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there?:
What Do You Think Of My..
9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Laugh:
13. Family:
Would You..
14. Be my friend?:
15. Keep a secret if I told you one?:
16. Hold my hand?:
17. Take a bullet for me?:
18. Keep in touch?:
19. Try and solve my problems?:
20. Love me?:
21. Date me?:
Have You Ever..
22. Lied to make me feel better?:
23. Wanted to kiss me?:
24. Wanted to kill me?:
25. Broke my heart?:
26. Kept something important from me?:
27. Thought I was unbearably annoying?:
Random Stuff..
28. What reminds you of me?..
29. If you could give me anything what would it be?..
30. How well do you know me?..
31. When's the last time you saw me?..
32. Are you gonna put this on yours to see what I say about you
*******************************************************************
1. Your :
2. Age:
3. Fave Color:
4. Fave Movie:
5. Fave Song:
6. Fave Band/or rapper:
7. Most Embarassing Moment:
HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...
1. Are we friends?
2. Do you have a crush/attracted to me?
3. Would you kiss me?
4. With tongue?
5. Would you enjoy it?
6. Would you ever ask me out or go out with me if I ask you out?
7. Would you make a move on me in a movie theater?
9. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
10. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?
11. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me?
12. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
13. Do you think I'm a good person?
15.Do you think I'm Hot?
16. Would you call me just because?
17. Would you ever listen to my problems even if they dont involve you?
18. If you could change anything about me, would you?
19.Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?
|
|
|
[25 Jun 2005|12:31pm] |
I WANT: to get a better score on the SATs
I HAVE: one more year of high school left
I WISH: that Matt only knew how much it hurts…
I HATE: how I can never have a single day without breaking down into tears
I MISS: Ronnie…he was a great friend
I FEAR: crickets
I HEAR: the sound of my heart shattering
I SEARCH: for God
I WONDER: what happens after I die
I REGRET: staying with a certain ex-boyfriend for so long
I LOVE: thunderstorms
I ACHE: when I realize how lonely I am
I ALWAYS: get upset over simple things
I AM NOT: sure what to do anymore
I DANCE: when I hear music worth dancing to…even if it’s in my head
I SING: all the time
I CRY: more often then not
I AM NOT ALWAYS: right
I WRITE: whenever I feel hurt
I WIN: every time I go the gym
I LOSE: when I skip out on jogging with chris
I THINK: about what life would be like without matt
I KNOW: that I’ve got a lot to work on
I CONFUSE: myself easily
I NEED: to get control of my own life
I SHOULD: get off the computer and take a shower
I HOPE: that its still the same when he gets back
|
|
|
[24 Jun 2005|10:29pm] |
|
Did you ever notice that its the small things that are most important? Like a smile, a "good-bye", or even an "I love you"? The little things that a person does really touch your heart because it shows that they care about you at all times. It doesn't matter if I'm covered in pizza dough and up to my elbows in sauce, a simple brush of his hand across my back or arm makes me feel like everything going on around me doesn't really matter in the long run. When I look across the room and see him smiling at me...there's no word on earth that can describe it...even though he's far away, I feel like his arms are wrapped tightly around me. I feel safe, warm, and even, at times, teary-eyed. Like now for example, he just called for no apparent reason except to talk to me and see where I was, but some thing like that, which most people take for granted, is why I love him. He does little things for me that seem so ordinary, but I don't think that even he realizes how that makes me feel. I don't think that there is any way to describe how I feel about him, other than I love him.
|
|
|
[21 Jun 2005|10:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
I'm in love, but troubled |
] |
You know, I was going to be all lovey dovey in this live journal because I couldn't stop thinking of a certain someone, but you know I don't really feel lovey dovey anymore. Any of you that know Matt's lj could probably read his entry saying that times are tough, and they are. I mean he's leaving for vacation in a few days and we wont see each other for 8 days, which may not seem like much but it's killing me. And then like this weekend has been full of fighting over everything. My mom has been acting like a total bitch. She told me last night that she thinks that matt and I are sexually active and that if we're not then matt must be a total nerd...what the f?! Couldn't even entertain the thought that matt has more integrity...nope never....Gosh she makes me mad. And so matt and I are no longer allowed alone anywhere in my house and she thinks that he and I see eachother too much. Growl. But he and I will make it through this because we're strong.
|
|
|
[20 Jun 2005|03:12pm] |
3 Names you go by:
Allie
Alison
Alliecat
3 screen names you have
oh geez...there are like 20!
CuddlyDeath13
UKantSeaMi
OneBigSpazm71388
3 things you like about yourself
My protective mother-like tendencies
My eyes
My spontanuity
3 things you hate/dislike about yourself
My anger issues
Jealousy
Being ugly
My acne
...There are TONS more
3 parts of your heritage
Irish
Scottish
German* mostly german
Oh what the heck...I'll just put them all down
English
French
3 things that scare you
The Dark
Rape
Crickets
3 of your everyday essentials
Music
Paper and Pencil
Sleep
3 things you are wearing right now
Blue striped shirt
Black corderoy overalls
One of my ruby rings
3 of your favorite bands/artists
Nine Inch Nails
Simple Plan
Phil Vassar
3 of your favorite songs at present
In A Real Love--Phil Vassar
Behind These Hazel Eyes--Kelly Clarkson
Scars--Papa Roach
3 things you want to try in the next 12 months
Counting the Stars
Passing all my classes/ap tests
Getting into a good college
3 things you want in a relationship
Honesty and Trust
Fun
Spontaneousness
2 truths and a lie
I'm morbid and depressed a lot.
I'm in love.
I don't want to get married.
3 physical things about the opposite or same sex that appeals to you
Hair. My preference is red.
Eyes. I love green eyes or unique eyes
Strong Arms. I love knowing that I am safe in a guy's arms
3 things you just can’t do
Move in circles...my movements are kinda square
Dance
Speak with someone without getting sidetracked
3 of your favorite hobbies
Listening to Music
Going to the Movies
Hanging out with my friends
3 things you want to do really badly right now
Cuddle with Matt
Take a nap
Read a good book
3 careers you’re considering
Medical Examiner/Forensic Pathologist
Pediatrician
High School/College Science Teacher
3 places you want to go on vacation
Ireland
The Amazon
Egypt
3 kids names
Gavin Alexander
Gabriel Thomas
Erik Owen
Adam Christopher
Christian Michael
3 things you want to do before you die
Get Married
Have All Boys
Figure out what God has planned for me
|
|
|
[16 Jun 2005|08:34pm] |
|
I've decided that I am the mommy of my little group of friends. And you know what?! I like it
|
|
|
[09 Jun 2005|02:56pm] |
|
You know, I noticed that the people who complain the most about their life don't really try to fix anything. So I've decided that I'm not allowed to complain anymore unless I am willing to fix the broken things in my life, or atleast try to fix them. Like my grades, if I really wanna complain about my grades, then I better work my ass off and still get horrible grades. If I wanna complain about my weight, then I better be exercising and eating healthy and still be 200lbs. If I want to complain about certain worries that have to deal with Matt, then I better stop doing things that create those worries and still have them. I have problems in my walk with God, but I shouldn't be complaining because I don't work hard enough to serve him. If I wanna complain that I never have enough money to do anything then I better be working 2 jobs and still not have enough money to pay for the necessities in life. What has been going on in my head?! I have NO right to complain about things that I can change! I claim that I don't think my friends want me around, but then when they do call, I tell them that I'm too busy with something else. I get mad at myself because I don't feel like I've made a difference in people's lives, but then I don't really try hard enough when my friends need me. This needs to change. Alright enough complaining about complaining too much; it's time to take action. First to deal with the whole grades thing, actually doing homework and studying would be a great improvement especially if done on time. And on the whole weight thing, I've decided to try to become a vegetarian of sorts, like I'll still eat eggs and cheese because the vegan thing is just not for me, but more fruits and veggies wouldn't hurt a girl, plus I LOVE soy products (and soon matt will too...j/k :-D ). And to Chris, I promise that unless I am sick, broken, or have some big priority I will not miss running with you (I'm already feeling the burn and I don't think thats a good thing). Also, Matt, baby, I love you, but we need to slow down certain parts of our relationship a bit just until I'm sure that we're ready for that kind of commitment. I know that I start it 99.9% of the time, but you go along with it too and I didn't want you to feel like I was mad at you or that it's your fault that I'm taking a step back. Anyway, onto religion. I know that I love God and his Son, but I haven't gone to visit them in their house for a very long time, not because I couldn't, but because I wanted a place that I could call home. And I'll admit that I should have been looking, but that extra few hours of sleep seemed so important until I looked at the amount of hours I spend doing things that hurt Him as compared to the few hours church would take out of my day. Jobs and money--Well that's basically solved I called Papa Johns and I work tomorrow and I start counseling on the 21st. And finally, my friends (this includes aquaintances, family and my boyfriend), I want you all to know that from now on I'll do everything in my power to serve you better as your sister and friend. For those of you that Believe I want you to know that if you ever need a fellow Christian to just sit and pray with you, I'll be happy to do it, or if you just need someone to pray FOR you I won't hesitate to help. I promise that those of you that don't Believe I won't preach to you about God and how sinful you have been, but listen and help you through sharing my experiences and how I've learned from them (secretly I will be praying for you). I love you all and I don't know how I would make it through life without each one of you; from those of you that I barely speak to all the way to those of you that I know so very well. Each one of you has touched my life and left a mark that can never be replaced or forgotten no matter how many years go by. Maybe I'm thinking about how much I'll miss you all when I graduate or maybe its because I've finally realized the good things that I've been given, but I want you all to know that you're all very special to me and it doesn't matter if you feel the same way or not, but I will always care about you all. If you ever need a shoulder to dry on or just someone to sit and cry with you, just let me know and I'll be there to help in a heart beat. Thank you all for filling my life with happiness and caring. I love you.
|
|
|
[07 Jun 2005|07:09am] |
|
Man I am so sick. :-( The flu is soooooo mean!
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
cuddlydeath13's journal